"Society" wrongfully portrays to us that people in wheelchairs are somehow less valuable. Just because someone's body is functioning differently, doesn't make them any less of a person.
Additionally, not all wheelchair users are paralyzed, as many people might assume. If you see someone in a wheelchair miraculously stand up, don't gasp, or stare at, or judge them. Using a wheelchair is probably not something someone would do willingly, if they had a choice.
It's not easy for chronically ill individuals to accept help from others, and it's certainly not easy to accept that our body is not doing what it is supposed to. There should be no shame in asking for help. (Especially not from doctors...doctors who give up and shove a prescription for painkillers in your red, splotchy, teary-eyed face while begging for their help to get a wheelchair, after months of toying with the idea in my mind, and FINALLY accepting it. See previous post.)
Do I want to have to use a wheelchair, nope. Am I excited to have one? Absolutely.
This past week or so, I've realized just how much MORE of a person I feel like while using my wheelchair. This might seem like a foreign concept to most. Let me explain. Using my wheelchair gives me the freedom to get around with less pain, and more mental clarity and stamina. (Standing causes near blackouts that are exhausting, and my body's inability to regulate my heart rate and blood pressure, thus, brain function decreases drastically!) It gives me the independence of not having to hold onto my mom when I feel like I'm going to fall over.
I still need a push every now and then, due to weakness in my hands and wrists, that I'm hoping will get stronger with time and treatment. I am, however, building incredible muscles in my arms. Not a bad thing. ;) There are still a few kinks that need straightened out with my chair, but hey, I'm beyond grateful to have it!!
Have I mentioned bowling??
Leaving the house has been a rare occasion the last few years, more so in the past few months after starting treatment for my Lyme Disease+Co. So, you'll certainly understand my excitement (and hesitation) upon being invited to a friend's Birthday Bowling Celebration. I thought to myself, "Ohmigosh! Maybe I can actually participate!!!" I have been bowling years ago, each time becoming a red, splotchy, sweaty, painful mess.
Well, guess what! I did it!
I filled up my "gas tank" (loaded up on IV fluids), shot myself in the bum, showered, put on some comfy, stretchy clothes, and called ahead to ensure accessibility, (and was pleasantly surprised with complimentary valet and mostly level floors! I still needed help traversing the large building, but my friends eagerly offered a push! I was nervous because they didn't know I would be in a wheelchair, but there was nearly zero awkwardness! Which is awesome, because we always have fun, even if it's just sitting around drinking tea and bulls***ting. It's so nice to feel included.) I remembered my wrist splint, asked for the lightest ball they had, activated the bumpers, and let her rip!
I actually had a lot of fun! Without having to worry if I could stand, or not having a place to sit if I felt like passing out, I was able to just be. This is a really strange feeling for me, because of my POTS, my body is in constant panic while upright, it's hard to really take anything in.
I was prepared for the stares, and the pointing, and judgement from strangers. However, a tiny, adorable child stared at me while smiling brightly, I smiled back even brighter, while waving to her. I can only assume that her favorite color is pink, too! 😁
The Aftermath.
I've barely left bed all week, writhing in pain, as I'm still recooperating from the few hours of social activity. And, I know I've made things worse by eating an allergen, but, were those few hours of "normalcy" worth it? Hell yes.
My Lyme Disease+Co may be kicking my ass, but I won't stop kicking it back!!
I've been trying to look at the bigger picture, and just trying to enjoy life as best as I can. It's all about the little things. We can sit around and suffer forever, or we can make the best of it, now! (And suffer later.)
So, while I don't think I'll be going bowling any time in the immediate future, I have some pretty cool memories of my first chaired-outing! I am eager to try even more things that I have been unable to do in the past because of my body's limitations! It's all about adaptability, an open mind, and a positive mental attitude.
✌️💚🎳
Peace, Love, and Balls
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